22-08-21 | Megan Ryder
Cuckold Lifestyle
Below are the 3 most recent journal entries recorded in
Etiene's Journal:
Sunday, January 11th, 2004
9:00 pm
Waiting for you
After a few hours of not being online I've been
thinking about my earlier entries. Not much good to
anyone it seems. Can't wait for Patty to return to the
nest. She knows how to make me happy. I'm a simple man.
When the hour is right she simply hands me the massage
oil and I know what to do. I head for the microwave and
heat the oil for 40 seconds. When I return she has a
pipe filled with top quality pot and in a few moments
we are both ready, both in a head-space right for sex.
She places the pipe and lighter on her bedside,
switches the digital cable to new age music and rolls
over on her stomach. I lie between her legs, my chin at
the top of her ass crack and begin to massage. You know
the rest if you've read my earlier entries. I want it
so bad right now I can picture the act so clearly in my
mind. We must have done the same sex act hundreds of
times to varying degrees. You'd think it would have
grown old by now, so much else has sooner or later.
We've talked about the receptiveness of our sex play
and both decided not to fix what isn't broken.
Sometimes as I rub her mid back, the place she feels
the most pain, my face is buried in her crack and my
tongue searching for her pussy I feel so turned on I
can hardly control myself. My penis rubs against the
sheets as I lick her with my tongue and rub her body
with my hands. The last few times we had sex this way I
could barely wait for her to have an orgasm so I could
put myself inside her and explode.
In my minds eye I can see her rolling over onto her
back after I soften inside her and withdraw. As she
rolls over her hand takes hold of my thick hair and
pulls my face down to her ample bush. My goo covers the
lips of her vagina and I see the swollen lips as my
mouth is directed to her waiting pussy. She spreads the
lips of her pussy and I know what she wants me to do.
As if I abandoned all control, I am licking my cum from
her pussy. Each time I imagine this image it takes me
that much closer to the real experience. Many times I
know her fantasy is to roll me over so another cock can
enter her/ a warm mouth and tongue is the next best
thing or the available thing.
I know you guys know what I'm talking about. You enjoy
sex, your woman cums or she doesn't but you do. You may
have lasted an hour or you may have shot within seconds
of being inside and you struggle against your body's
inclination for sleep and feel compelled by your
libido's/imagination's desire for more. You want to
please her again and the only way your body will allow
you to do it: with your tongue. You imagine it is the
juice of another lover, that she has been left less
than totally satisfied and wants your tongue to do what
another cock could not.
Some men want a threesome with two women but the
reality is that a woman is far better able to take on
two men. It does take some calming to accept another
man's touch and as a young man the thought of being
with two men and a woman scared me away from at least
one hopeful encounter. A woman can easily take two men
and the feel of one dick in her vagina and another in
her rear is as exciting for the men as it is for the
woman.
The feel of another man's dick rubbing your own with
just a thin membrane separating the two rods as they
pump and strain is all the pleasure I need. When the
woman demands that the men pleasure each other as she
looks on nothing could be more erotic especially if the
men consider themselves straight. Sometimes I wish
patty would bring home some of thee men that I know
want to fuck her. She has one of those personalities
that invite a sexual response from men. Women also find
her strong mindedness attractive and I know at least
two of her female friends would like to have sex with
her and it is only the small suburban community
dynamics that stop it from happening.
Patty isn't the young hot chick she once was and
despite being 40 lbs. over weight she still possesses a
sexuality that few women have. My only hope is that
when she brings home another man for fun and frolic she
brings home a man that will let me suck him. Do you
know what a fluffer is in the horse breeding process.
I'd happily be the fluffer getting the male and female
sex organs ready for the act. I enjoy the thought of
sucking her lover's cock after she is done with it as
well as cleaning his residue from her. Just my way of
joining in the fun.
Well that's it for tonight. Time to roll it back, calm
down and sleep. Tomorrow is a work-day and blogging
isn't' an excuse for showing up late. I'd love to hear
your response to my entries. What a great opportunity
to get out what would otherwise stay bottled up deep
inside.
Saturday, January 10th, 2004
2:56 pm
Sucking pussy
Patty has been on the road for the better part of the
week and all I can do on this lovely Sunday is think
about sucking her pussy. I've masturbated so many times
over the last five days I can't even think about
touching myself until later tonight. I day dream about
her lowering herself onto my face as I discover her
pussy is filled to capacity with the sex of another
man, or two and she wants me to clean her up. The most
fascinating story I've read recently is from a man who
discovered his wife in a closet while at a formal
party. She had been fucked by at least one guy and
wasn't wearing panties.
When her husband walked in and was outraged she calmed
him down with two questions. Did he want her to walk
back into the main room with cum dripping down her leg
and embarrass him in front of his co-workers, did he
want her to use something in the closet to clean
herself which she refused because everything was so
nice or would he eat her out and suck up what was there
from the last guy so they could join the party. She
wanted another orgasm knowing that her husband was
helpless to complain about what happened and began to
suck.
What a good man. Wish it were me.
12:44 pm
The Process of sexual self exploration
Greetings and welcome to my first entry in what I hope
will be many. Self exploration is the reason for
beginning this project. After being obsessed with sex
since my first crib memories, I've come to realize
through sexual experience over the last few years that
the sexual acts that provide the most pleasure are
those that reflect my earliest sexual fantasies,
fantasies I can trace back to early childhood. As a
child I often engaged in twilight dreaming, the dreams
we self direct in the twilight between being awake and
being asleep. In those early dream I was a powerless
sexual object and the women who inhabited my universe
were strong and domineering. Pre-puberty I dreamed on
being held, somewhat against my will, and used in vague
sexual ways. I say vague because I was pre-puberty.
Strange? Well it was fun just imagining.
Before going into the story, I'd like to establish who
I am gender/sexually. I am a man. I live the life of a
straight male. Three of the most erotic sexually
charged events of my life have all been with men. My
first with a very gay light skinned black man who
picked me up late at night as I was hitch hiking home
from my girl friend's house. I was 16. We drove to a
dark street and he asked if I'd ever had a blow job. My
girl friend at the time wouldn't allow me to more than
grind away-our cloths mostly on. I'd usually leave her
house late at night in a sexual lather. My response was
no. Without further delay he unzipped my fly and gave
me a perfect blow job.
No woman ever did nearly as well. The second was with a
man I met after parking my car on the street outside my
apartment. We chatted and he invited me back to his
apartment just around the corner. We chatted for a
while and then he undressed me like a man undresses a
girl. Taking my hand he led me to his bed and
alternately held me in his hand, mouth and then he
fucked me. It was wonderful having inside me. It was
the pinnacle of gay life before HIV. After we both
covered ourselves and recovered our energy,. I was
shaking I was so aroused, we had tea.
My third encounter was with a dear friend. We had been
married for just a few years and we were both doing
more cocaine than was good for us. For me it had the
effect of bringing to the surface otherwise repressed
sexual urges and desires. I wanted to watch my wife
have sex with another man. Plato's retreat was
happening and I couldn't encourage her to attend those
wild parties. Finally one night I must have begged and
pleaded enough that she allowed me to entertain the
fantasy out loud. I suggested we invite a friend,
Charlie. He had the hots for Patty before I met her
while he was still married to Patty's close friend. I
called Charles to invite him for the time of his life.
When he arrived Patty was surprisingly calm and open
even though she was only okay with Charlie being in our
house.
Well, the three of us got plenty high on coke, pot and
brandy and took our clothes off. Early on I had an
anxiety attack. All of a sudden I became fearful of
losing my wife. I freaked out thinking the act of
Charlie having sex with Patty would signal the end of
our marriage. We stopped and talked and both Patty and
Charlie confessed to not being comfortable with what
was going on. It was about 2:00 am and we talked until
the sun came up.
At 5:30 Patty had to leave and meet her friends who
were going skiing for the next two days. Charlie and I
remained in bed, still naked, and watched as Patty
dressed, packed and then left the house and drove away.
We talked and I placed my hand on Charlie's erect
penis. That was all the invitation he need. He slipped
under the cover and gave me a great blow job. After he
was done he jerked himself off and his cum covered my
chest.
It was so intensely erotic that I had fantasies about
it for years. When Patty returned from her trip we
didn't talk about the attempted threesome for an hour
or two and then I told her what happened. To her credit
Patty said she wasn't surprised. She said she always
thought Charlie and I would be more interested in each
other than with her. She thought I said wanted a
threesome but really wanted to have gay sex with her
consent so I wouldn't have to sneak and hide. I though
then and I think now, she was absolutely right.
Reluctantly, Patty would finger me from time to time
but her lack of enthusiasm didn't help. I wanted her to
strap on a two-way dildo and fuck me but that was never
going to happen. After a few years even the reluctant
finger fucking stopped.
After 14 years of mostly straight monogamous sex the
sexual acts my wife and I engaged on a regular basis
changed. I was tired from working longer hours under
tremendous stress. I was in my early 40's and just not
aroused enough to stay hard despite sharing a joint
with Patty before we'd start. Though she was still shy
about oral sex more and more she allowed me to explore
her vagina and the wonders of hr clitoris.
When my tongue would probe lower and touch upon her
back door she would pull away. I never understood her
reluctance. I loved to masturbate and finger fuck
myself. It had to feel good having yourself played with
fore and aft. Ultimately, she would tire of my attempts
at exploration of the forbidden and insist we do it
missionary style.
As the years went by Patty's barriers broke down little
by little. Our married sex ritual consisted of me
giving her a massage with scented oil and then I'd give
her oral sex and we'd conclude with my getting on top.
More than once she admitted she let me rim her because
she knew it made me hot. More and more frequently she
would let me lick her ass as I rubbed her body
sometimes as long as 90 minutes while I licked and
fingered her pussy and ass. The ritual was refined over
time. Slight movements of her buttocks and barely
audible moans and sighs would direct me where she
wanted attention.
I'd prop her hips up on a pillow as she lay face down
and lying between her legs I'd rub her back. Thighs,
neck. Rubbing her neck I'd bury my face in the crack
between the round orbs of her buttocks. Patty always
smelled sweet and fresh though she knew I didn't mind
if she didn't shower. When she wanted me to bury my
tongue in her ass, her buttocks would rise and I'd hear
a moan if my tongue went to the right place. Patty
taught me how to serve. I could spend the better part
of an hour licking her ass, penetrating with my tongue,
probing her pussy with one finger inside and one on her
swollen clit.
Patty often jokes that the submissive role I play in
our sexual relations is an accurate portrayal of who I
really am. I know she is right though we hardly ever
discuss it. Patty says she doesn't like talking about
sex or what we do. She doesn't like vocalizing her
thoughts on the subject and she doesn't like hearing
mine. She likes to pretend we/re a 1950's couple who
only have missionary style sex. Patty also jokes that
she thinks that if we ever divorced I'd be just as
likely to have a gay relationship as a straight one. I
know she is right. I love eating pussy and being
submissive to a woman but the thought of having a penis
between my lips sounds ever so wonderful.
Patty has never had a problem with vaginal moisture.
She gets wet instantly. He extreme wetness and the size
of her vagina after three kids and never exercising
helps with another fantasy. Back to the old fantasy of
watching her have sex with Charlie, I imagine she has
been freshly fucked and is having me eat out her
lover's cream. A cream pie is what it is called on some
story sights. The next step in our submissive sexual
relationship is for me to eat her out after I come
inside.
She knows I want to do this and the last time we had
sex she seemed like she was willing to let me but I
just didn't get there. I was kissing her stomach
working my way to my goo that dripping outside her
vaginal lips when the phone rang. We didn't answer but
it was enough of a break the spell that kept us in a
post climax haze. I think she also knows I'd like her
to use a dildo on me but let's save that for my second
installment.
Wow, it was therapeutic just writing about these
events. I can't share them with anyone I know because I
live in a small suburban community and I don't want to
step out of the closet and ruin everything we've built
for so long. Family is important to both of us. I think
Patty has been more sexually open so that we maintain a
high level of erotic spark.
I don't even think about other women or men the way I
used to because, frankly, I can't imagine having more
satisfying sex that I share with Patty. When her ass
rises to my face as I give her a deep tissue massage
there is nothing more erotic except when she loosens
her buttocks so my tongue can slip into her asshole.
The games we play are so subtle sex is magical, a
ballet of well choreographed behavior. Patty knows me
even though she doesn't talk about anything sexual. She
as much as agreed one day in a conversation that if I
had sex with another man, a fuck buddy, that wouldn't
count, in her mind, as having an affair, unless of
course I feel in love which she would never permit.
One day over Christmas my mother was visiting and
talking with Patty. Patty said I was sensitive like a
girl, more so than myself. My mother agreed that I
wasn't as tough as other men. Patty mentioned that at
parties when the men and women split up I would usually
prefer to hang with the women. My mother said that was
true even when I was a child. My mother didn't know
that after the women she had to the house would use the
toilet, I'd go in and sit on the warm seat imagining
their sex might touch me. I was probably 4-7 years old
when I did that.
Every once in awhile I have this flash image that Patty
is chatting with a single friend who is complaining
about not being able to find a man. I imagine that when
I walk into the room Patty says, Etiene can help you
feel better about being alone. She invites her friend
to lift her skirt and directs me to suck the guest's
pussy while they continue their conversation. Just as
often I imagine she has me suck the cock of a male
visitor. In my minds eye I can see Patty chatting away
as my mouth fills with the sexual fluids of a male
guest.
I hadn't even thought of a fuck buddy for years until
one day my IM friend, Melinda, told me about the fun
she had at a swinger sex party. She sent me pictures of
herself being fucked by three guys at once in a room
that looked as though there were ten other people
present. Two other guys were rubbing their penises on
her. She described the experience as heaven and invited
me to join. The whole rest of the day I searched the
internet for party sites I could join. I joined a few
but never went further.
Please let me know your thoughts about all of this. I'd
appreciate some feedback. It's been lonely all these
years
<